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FMLs submitted from Iowa

yesterday I'm 5 weeks pregnant and just found out that mah boyfriend has such a phobia of holding babies, that he's going to be the one most in ned of a diaper change when I give brth. FML

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promotd to customer service at our grocery store, a customer calld me an idiot in te parking lot 4 accidentally backing into te sopping cart se left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

#21146606
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37299) - you deserved it (5034)

On 05/20/2014 at 7:50pm - work - by Helpful Smile - United States (Iowa)

Today... after an entre year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries... I finally returnd to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told therapist I had never been so happy and proud... he respondd with... "This usually only takes 5 months... pussy." FML

#21122058
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43667) - you deserved it (7215)

On 04/24/2014 at 7:42pm - health - by AnonymousAndSad (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, mah boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we looool got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48811) - you deserved it (7087)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, I realized that mah boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that mah body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matterhat we're doing. FML

#21111720
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41304) - you deserved it (4067)

On 04/13/2014 at 5:33am - love - by Ticklish - United States (Iowa)

TADAY I AD TO TAKE A DRUG TEST 4 A NEW JOB. I ENDED UP SPILLING TE CUP OF PEE ALL OVER MYSELF. I AD TO EXPLAIN WAT AD APPENED, TEN GO SIT IN A WAITING ROOM FULL OF DISGUSTED-LOOKING PEOPLE, WILE I KEPT DRINKING WATER TO FILL MY BLADDER BACK UP. FML

#21105380
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38030) - you deserved it (5795)

On 04/05/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

TODAY... I HAVE EXACTLY 204 SNOWFLAKE SAVED ONTO MAH COMPUTER... ALL OF WHICH I MADE ON THIS SNOWFLAKE-MAKING WEBSITE. THIS IS WHAT MAH LIFE HAS COME TO. FML

#21076482
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32851) - you deserved it (8939)

On 03/03/2014 at 12:18am - misc - by ealovan - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina" . FML

#21075644
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47305) - you deserved it (6695)

On 03/02/2014 at 3:44am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Iowa)

yesterday mah boyfriend gave me a hickey on mah breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated mah jaw trying to get me off him. FML

Today, my girlfriend an I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her!! I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing!! Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks an the couch cushion!! I lost my virginity to her couch!! mega FML

#21053213
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52661) - you deserved it (18592)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was reading FML's brthday blog post and saw a picture of myself in it. I would've been happy if it wasn't #4 in the list of worst duckface of the week. FML

#21040870
166 comments

Today , I Had To Explain To One Of Mah High School Students That The Importance Of Pearl Harbor Was Not , In Fact , Cuz The Japanese Stole The US Pearl Supply. FML

#21020544
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41653) - you deserved it (3589)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with mah girlfriend, her mom cummed and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

#20952303
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47726) - you deserved it (4283)

On 11/10/2013 at 3:03am - love - by Go away - United States (Iowa)



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