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FMLs submitted from Iowa

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

#21451268
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14146) - you deserved it (6166)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:14am - love - by Cygnus - United States (Iowa)

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

#21446894
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10448) - you deserved it (18527)

On 07/25/2015 at 4:33am - misc - by elovan - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend heard a great quote about not letting anyone drag her down. She took it to mean, "break up with your boyfriend." FML

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

#21437872
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23980) - you deserved it (1426)

On 07/07/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by No-Sleep Nellie - United States (Iowa)

Today, I took an online IQ test, even though I knew they give everyone unrealistically high scores. My score was 73. FML

#21436113
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21457) - you deserved it (5047)

On 07/03/2015 at 11:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

#21435168
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25752) - you deserved it (1457)

On 07/02/2015 at 12:16am - work - by thatshelpful - United States (Iowa)

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

#21421488
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27746) - you deserved it (2538)

On 06/05/2015 at 9:00pm - work - by cbarr98 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

#21397058
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30550) - you deserved it (1917)

On 04/20/2015 at 8:16pm - health - by Phabia - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

#21386448
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27763) - you deserved it (2497)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:21am - misc - by King.Dick. (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

#21346952
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28867) - you deserved it (3071)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

#21340847
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30334) - you deserved it (2495)

On 01/20/2015 at 8:23am - work - by klaatu barada nikto (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

#21335128
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18231) - you deserved it (26531)

On 01/11/2015 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML



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