Today, my fiance picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML
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On 03/07/2010 at 12:25pm - love - by ohshit (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, while running errands, I put a frozen water bottle on the dash to thaw out. But when I tried to hurry and turn into busy traffic, the water bottle flew off the dashboard, hit the gear shift and stalled the car out in the middle of the road. I think I was flipped off 12 times. FML
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On 02/24/2010 at 3:08am - misc - by bbwena - United States (Iowa)
Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML
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On 02/19/2010 at 3:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, while running, I sped up to show off for a cute female runner I'd seen before up ahead. I passed her and not more than a minute later she sprints past me. I couldn't catch up. She not only out ran me, but waited to tell me it was a 'nice try'. FML
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On 02/16/2010 at 1:32am - health - by Out Ran - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was spacing out in French class and randomly got an erection. My professor called on me to stand up at the front of the room and say, "I am wearing a belt," in French. Not everyone was observing just my belt. FML
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On 02/01/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by boner (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML
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On 01/18/2010 at 7:41pm - work - by SadMan (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML
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On 01/18/2010 at 4:00am - misc - by Radioo (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML
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On 01/09/2010 at 1:45am - misc - by warningxxLidell (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I realized I've lived alone too long. I read 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' to my cat. I used expression in my voice, and I made sure he could see the pictures. My son called, and I told him about it. He gave me the number for the local psychiatric ward. FML
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On 12/05/2009 at 11:30pm - misc - by JC (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
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On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for 3 years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML
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On 11/01/2009 at 9:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I realized that acne is a major side effect of a medication I'm taking. The medication is to help me with my anxiety. The acne is creating more anxiety. And the more anxious I get, the more meds I need. And the more my face breaks out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23364) - you totally deserved it (2662)
On 10/17/2009 at 2:26am - health - by JoJo - United States (Iowa)
Today, I got a job at McDonald's because I've been really needing money. After work, I got some food with the Monopoly pieces. I completed the set for $5,000, but I can't claim it because I work for McDonald's. FML
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On 10/13/2009 at 1:41am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)
