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FMLs submitted from Iowa

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28431) - you deserved it (13936)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, at my dining job, my boss told me the food was "technically illegal to serve," air quotes and all. FML

#21249316
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32334) - you deserved it (2391)

On 08/31/2014 at 9:56pm - work - by dining - United States (Iowa)

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33630) - you deserved it (5438)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

#21225337
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33536) - you deserved it (9773)

On 07/30/2014 at 11:28pm - work - by heatherfeather22 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

#21218491
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38124) - you deserved it (2748)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:57pm - misc - by Rosey (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

#21205262
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37939) - you deserved it (19651)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

#21202986
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39756) - you deserved it (11961)

On 07/08/2014 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

#21175899
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43696) - you deserved it (4927)

On 06/15/2014 at 8:21pm - work - by caleighrossi - United States (Iowa)

Today, I'm 5 weeks pregnant and just found out that my boyfriend has such a phobia of holding babies, that he's going to be the one most in need of a diaper change when I give birth. FML

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

#21146606
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36603) - you deserved it (4953)

On 05/20/2014 at 7:50pm - work - by Helpful Smile - United States (Iowa)

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

#21122058
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42297) - you deserved it (7021)

On 04/24/2014 at 7:42pm - health - by AnonymousAndSad (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48414) - you deserved it (7049)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

#21111720
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40316) - you deserved it (3985)

On 04/13/2014 at 5:33am - love - by Ticklish - United States (Iowa)



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