FMLs submitted from Indiana

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

by colorfun / 05/17/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

by wtf / 05/01/2015 at 6:57pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 11:18am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, in my online class I accidentally unmuted my mic. Normally that would be fine except today I decided to serenade myself with a silly song. I didn't realize until everyone started clapping at the end of the song. FML

by acapelladisaster / 03/12/2015 at 8:39pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

by Anonymous / 03/07/2015 at 3:14pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

by wellalrightythen / 02/09/2015 at 1:23am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

by 3722145 / 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, I was faced with the inevitable horrible circumstances which lead me to put in a tampon on a moving city bus. FML

by bloody_hell / 01/14/2015 at 9:18pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

by anonymous / 01/08/2015 at 2:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

by eamiller / 12/23/2014 at 3:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML

by koolkat9 / 12/22/2014 at 2:11pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

by shit_fer_luck / 12/16/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 7:56pm / United States (Indiana) / Love