FMLs submitted from Indiana

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

by wellalrightythen / 02/09/2015 at 1:23am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

by 3722145 / 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, I was faced with the inevitable horrible circumstances which lead me to put in a tampon on a moving city bus. FML

by bloody_hell / 01/14/2015 at 9:18pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

by anonymous / 01/08/2015 at 2:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

by eamiller / 12/23/2014 at 3:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML

by koolkat9 / 12/22/2014 at 2:11pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

by shit_fer_luck / 12/16/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 7:56pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, my father told me to "go get a job". He has been unemployed for 3 years. FML

by username / 11/16/2014 at 10:52pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I got sick at school. When someone called my mom for permission for me to leave, she told them she doesn't have a daughter and to never call that number again. FML

by thealaskanyoung / 10/29/2014 at 11:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

by anonymous / 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 8:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

by Why Me / 10/19/2014 at 11:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals