FMLs submitted from Indiana

Today, I was running late for school and accidentally ran a red light and got pulled over. I couldn't find the registration and was freaking out, when the cop told me that he wouldn't give me a ticket if he could give me some advice. His advice? Don't wear your shirt inside-out. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2015 at 2:04am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

by brokenface / 09/15/2015 at 5:48pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

by not telling you my name / 08/07/2015 at 11:16am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML

by suosi / 07/26/2015 at 1:55pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 2:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I took a nap. My boyfriend took this opportunity to go over to his "beautiful" and "amazing" ex-girlfriend's house to help her clean out her pool. I told him I didn't think that was appropriate. He told me I don't value relationships and didn't come home tonight. FML

by bev_rogan / 06/21/2015 at 6:16am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

by hotheadslav / 06/20/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

by happycow122 / 06/20/2015 at 4:54pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 6:15am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

by FMLintheanus / 05/27/2015 at 12:29am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

by shitty shit / 05/26/2015 at 11:40am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

by grossedout / 05/22/2015 at 11:02am / United States (Indiana) / Work