FMLs submitted from Indiana

Today, I painted my daughter's bedroom. When I wasn't paying attention, the cat walked through the paint tray. There are now Barney purple paw prints all over the house. FML

by Barney / 06/18/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

by Hopslammer / 06/16/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML

by mimabee / 06/14/2011 at 9:56am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

by Shelly / 06/12/2011 at 10:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

by Jake Whitte / 06/06/2011 at 9:50am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML

by dwhite032 / 06/06/2011 at 3:06am / United States (Indiana) / Geek

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me give her a foot massage after she had a long day at work. Halfway through, she fell asleep. Wanting to see how ticklish she actually was, I started to tickle her feet. She then kicked me straight in the nuts whilst sleeping. FML

by anon80214 / 05/30/2011 at 3:15pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML

by Username / 05/15/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

by Whosthegroom / 05/12/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 5:45pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can't leave. FML

by wet / 04/23/2011 at 2:33pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister told me she didn’t want me in her wedding pictures because I looked fat in my bridesmaid's dress. FML

by samikai523 / 04/18/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

by WhyMe / 03/20/2011 at 1:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation