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FMLs submitted from Indiana

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

#21243310
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (507) - you deserved it (1163)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

#21235196
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41286) - you deserved it (3933)

On 08/11/2014 at 8:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

#21231104
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33920) - you deserved it (5546)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:35pm - animals - by chynna (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33710) - you deserved it (22401)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

#21207158
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42300) - you deserved it (6992)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML

#21196912
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50717) - you deserved it (11837)

On 07/03/2014 at 12:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

#21131587
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48590) - you deserved it (16254)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricaded himself in the employee restroom and refuses to come out, unless I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here. FML

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

#21104664
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36881) - you deserved it (4319)

On 04/04/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by King_of_hearts (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my teacher told us at least 7 different stories about his cat, Jeremy, and how much he eats. And he wonders why we never get anything done in his class. FML

#21097211
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34261) - you deserved it (3092)

On 03/26/2014 at 7:45pm - animals - by alicia75 - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are; but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

#21089766
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36103) - you deserved it (3728)

On 03/18/2014 at 4:36am - misc - by can't sleep - United States (Indiana)



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