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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

#18096005
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25154) - you deserved it (1640)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:59am - misc - by ashleyyyy - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25389) - you deserved it (5952)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

#18028228
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13154) - you deserved it (7249)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Helmet (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought I'd be helpful and pick up my Dad's car from the repairs shop for him while he was at work. So, on my own, I hopped in my car and I drove the 15 minutes out to the shop. Only upon arriving did I consider the situation I'd put myself in. FML

#18012218
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6272) - you deserved it (36487)

On 10/18/2011 at 12:27am - misc - by BackAndForth (man) - United States (Illinois)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

#17981728
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27048) - you deserved it (1742)

On 10/14/2011 at 11:09am - health - by Nixontones - United States (Illinois)

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

#17843744
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9372) - you deserved it (21409)

On 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm - health - by mimi - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

#17836220
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16544) - you deserved it (1340)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:28am - work - by Username - United States (Illinois)

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

#17830762
558 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22282) - you deserved it (12714)

On 09/25/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

#17801066
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24704) - you deserved it (2892)

On 09/21/2011 at 11:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42528) - you deserved it (4471)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on my way to a concert, some guy told me I had cool sunglasses. I was about to thank him until he punched me in the face. I woke up with no sunglasses and no ticket. FML

#17770950
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27251) - you deserved it (2125)

On 09/18/2011 at 9:36am - misc - by incaseudidntkno - United States (Illinois)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at Wal-Mart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man comes up to me and said "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

#17770342
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19777) - you deserved it (2207)

On 09/18/2011 at 5:20am - misc - by yeahhhhhommmie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

#17742835
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25380) - you deserved it (3933)

On 09/14/2011 at 7:06am - misc - by funnymanjoe - United States (Illinois)



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