FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

by M.SHUKRI / 03/29/2015 at 8:54am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I discovered that when my mom can't sleep, she comes into my room and reads my text messages. FML

by ironwoman23 / 03/27/2015 at 8:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

by stuck / 03/23/2015 at 11:51am / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

by Mary C. / 03/22/2015 at 9:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

by redneckpunk / 03/16/2015 at 3:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

by parkoursam / 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

by pissed / 02/20/2015 at 7:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2015 at 2:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML

by CheeseTacos / 02/12/2015 at 5:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

by SDCore / 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

by titsmcgee / 02/11/2015 at 4:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML

by anon / 02/03/2015 at 2:50am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous