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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

#5873
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8031) - you deserved it (20070)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:42am - work - by BillLumberg (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

#5431
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52877) - you deserved it (9139)

On 02/02/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by FML (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

#4751
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16617) - you deserved it (6051)

On 02/01/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Embarrassed daughter.. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

#4684
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11154) - you deserved it (20664)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by foo - United States (Illinois)

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

#4028
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37831) - you deserved it (13914)

On 01/31/2009 at 8:51am - misc - by ayw329 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

#3770
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24189) - you deserved it (5700)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:27pm - love - by RollieCollieUSA - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

#3715
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25367) - you deserved it (1663)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

#3701
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23593) - you deserved it (5059)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:28am - love - by The L word - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

#3491
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10435) - you deserved it (22711)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by blarg - United States (Illinois)

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

#3426
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28086) - you deserved it (2860)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:25pm - animals - by MoncaBang - United States (Illinois)

Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML

#3036
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44787) - you deserved it (1634)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:42am - misc - by kiddo - United States (Illinois)

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

#2979
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21381) - you deserved it (1783)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:47am - love - by uninspired - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

#2866
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21902) - you deserved it (1685)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:02pm - work - by Ren - United States (Illinois)



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