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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

#13889
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11588) - you deserved it (22517)

On 02/07/2009 at 7:53pm - misc - by tarheels526 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking down the street with my newly healed implants, when a drag queen approached me and asked who my doctor was, because I was the "most convincing transgender he had ever seen." I'm a woman. FML

#13635
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27350) - you deserved it (9464)

On 02/07/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by woo. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know". FML

#12002
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45484) - you deserved it (3829)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by iamnotfat (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

#11909
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29365) - you deserved it (1952)

On 02/06/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by thesparrow (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

#8630
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47357) - you deserved it (2320)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - intimacy - by Sleeper_C3ll (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

#7920
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25071) - you deserved it (4146)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

#7761
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8559) - you deserved it (28754)

On 02/04/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by suicide (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38452) - you deserved it (1882)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

#6002
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7683) - you deserved it (30187)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by fuckedalready (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

#5886
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23893) - you deserved it (2394)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

#5873
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7977) - you deserved it (19973)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:42am - work - by BillLumberg (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

#5431
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52831) - you deserved it (9132)

On 02/02/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by FML (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

#4751
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16591) - you deserved it (6047)

On 02/01/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Embarrassed daughter.. - United States (Illinois)



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