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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36531) - you deserved it (1758)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

#6002
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6441) - you deserved it (27271)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by fuckedalready (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

#5886
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21819) - you deserved it (2201)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

#5873
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7492) - you deserved it (18874)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:42am - work - by BillLumberg (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

#5431
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50853) - you deserved it (8812)

On 02/02/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by FML (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

#4751
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12012) - you deserved it (5012)

On 02/01/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Embarrassed daughter.. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

#4684
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9910) - you deserved it (19142)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by foo - United States (Illinois)

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

#4028
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35923) - you deserved it (13031)

On 01/31/2009 at 8:51am - misc - by ayw329 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

#3770
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22367) - you deserved it (5424)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:27pm - love - by RollieCollieUSA - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

#3715
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23606) - you deserved it (1530)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

#3701
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18050) - you deserved it (3594)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:28am - love - by The L word - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

#3491
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8791) - you deserved it (19588)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by blarg - United States (Illinois)

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

#3426
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25705) - you deserved it (2643)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:25pm - animals - by MoncaBang - United States (Illinois)



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