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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, when he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

#213977
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50656) - you deserved it (3937)

On 03/05/2009 at 12:14am - work - by UhhhUhhhRRRick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

#192383
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46236) - you deserved it (4895)

On 03/03/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by buryuntime (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML

#185358
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86167) - you deserved it (3889)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came to work, to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

#180985
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91276) - you deserved it (4705)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:10am - work - by oh_mylanta (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

#159579
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51181) - you deserved it (5172)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:52am - misc - by Judiee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

#155544
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21574) - you deserved it (42155)

On 02/27/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by bojangles (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

#139747
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77136) - you deserved it (19030)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by jsw029 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

#135843
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50113) - you deserved it (14577)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by pk24 - United States (Illinois)

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

#125458
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50874) - you deserved it (24132)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:28pm - misc - by LockandKey - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17023) - you deserved it (44371)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

#121657
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19284) - you deserved it (27474)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:02am - misc - by ouagadougou (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

#120027
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8074) - you deserved it (51402)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML

#115661
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17822) - you deserved it (32894)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by loserface (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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