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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34438) - you deserved it (4074)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32567) - you deserved it (5812)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a weird friend of my father's decided to visit us. Our house isn't very big, so when he went to the bathroom, I could hear everything. He didn't wash his hands after a massive dump, and when he came out of the bathroom he patted my face. FML

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

#21334865
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30385) - you deserved it (3756)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:57am - love - by kumcat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML

#21330412
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34442) - you deserved it (2249)

On 01/04/2015 at 1:46am - work - by gothicvamp93 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

#21319039
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34899) - you deserved it (3434)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:33am - misc - by seriously - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

#21318466
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32119) - you deserved it (3518)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:01am - animals - by scars - United States (Illinois)

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

#21316127
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30864) - you deserved it (4716)

On 12/12/2014 at 10:17am - love - by galladore - United States (Illinois)

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

#21312610
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38397) - you deserved it (12010)

On 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by fuckered519 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

#21311019
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33677) - you deserved it (3145)

On 12/03/2014 at 9:49pm - love - by maddieex - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

#21308437
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36671) - you deserved it (3264)

On 11/29/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by .... - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

#21304265
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33591) - you deserved it (17055)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:10am - misc - by KilledTheMoment - United States (Illinois)



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