FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML

by NotCuteEnough / 08/24/2009 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

by embarassed_chick / 08/24/2009 at 3:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2009 at 7:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2009 at 3:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

by sophistication / 08/21/2009 at 11:36am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2009 at 12:52am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2009 at 1:30am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

by catguy / 08/19/2009 at 5:08am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

by stuff / 08/16/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant I decided to be nice and offer a woman free parking. I said, "give me a high five and I'll give you free parking since I already did the paper work." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paper work. FML

by ParkingGuy / 08/14/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my parents decided to visit me. When I first got my apartment I gave them a key "just in case" and today they used this key to enter when I didn't answer their knocking. I didn't answer because I was having sex with my boyfriend. My parents saw everything. They didn't know I was gay. FML

by gorgeousrenthead / 08/10/2009 at 7:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found why exactly my clothes always seemed more stretched out after about a week of owning them. My mom steals and wears them when she goes clubbing. My mom is 46, twice my size, and gets out more than me. FML

by Crazyyyymomentsss / 08/07/2009 at 11:31am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous