FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

by Madison43097 / 09/24/2009 at 4:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

by robbedonCTA / 09/22/2009 at 2:20am / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

by bass / 09/21/2009 at 9:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

by buysavings / 09/20/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

by poopEVERYWHERE / 09/18/2009 at 10:27am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

by almostmugged / 09/17/2009 at 1:00am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

by misc / 09/13/2009 at 3:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

by broken / 09/13/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

by Tagged / 09/12/2009 at 10:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

by SlowLane / 09/11/2009 at 5:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

by wallflower / 09/10/2009 at 2:25am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I played a goth character in my friend's student film with goth clothes, lip ring, eyeliner, etc. We went into Starbucks at break and an elderly man came up to me and said "Your kind is the reason for all the bad stuff in this world" and then spat in my $5 drink. FML

by comet5002 / 09/09/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous