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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

#694537
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86340) - you deserved it (34424)

On 03/29/2009 at 11:49pm - intimacy - by Cynical (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

#632054
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (120396) - you deserved it (8971)

On 03/26/2009 at 9:38pm - love - by bride (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

#600956
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23043) - you deserved it (115824)

On 03/25/2009 at 3:31pm - misc - by Lady_Luck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to see a therapist for the first time because I've been feeling depressed lately. I opened up and said everything that was on my mind. I really spilled my guts. After a good 30 minutes, her first question was, "Do you always talk this much?" FML

#555231
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68146) - you deserved it (7158)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by Nathan (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

#495475
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56158) - you deserved it (29218)

On 03/20/2009 at 7:35pm - misc - by cjj325 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

#480459
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62842) - you deserved it (8592)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:34pm - misc - by churchgoer (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying how I hated my job, I felt trapped, and that I was wasting my time working there. A few minutes later, she answered, "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML

#465051
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69943) - you deserved it (7225)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Ineverknew (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

#454917
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53494) - you deserved it (17448)

On 03/18/2009 at 10:57pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was excited to go to school because it was my 18th birthday. I walk in, and see a huge sign that says "Happy Birthday Katie! Love, Your Love." I ran up to my boyfriend of 4 years and thanked him. He responded with "It's your birthday?" The sign was for a Katie two grades lower than me. FML

#449459
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67227) - you deserved it (4162)

On 03/18/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by MyB-Day (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

#446324
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99989) - you deserved it (24775)

On 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm - love - by Syferix (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

#429248
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31907) - you deserved it (84827)

On 03/17/2009 at 11:15pm - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

#328244
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67314) - you deserved it (8830)

On 03/14/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by evanescence (man) - United States (Illinois)



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