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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

#2168919
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60184) - you deserved it (4758)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by fmlcops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" and without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

#2115737
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15241) - you deserved it (40732)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

#2112400
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15189) - you deserved it (69555)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:54pm - misc - by Sweeney (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

#2110420
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50510) - you deserved it (9143)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:45am - misc - by Cantswim (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

#2004555
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60036) - you deserved it (5498)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

#1986164
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47445) - you deserved it (7988)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I ordered a graduation cake from a woman at the grocery store. She asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I said "Congratulations Annie". Then she asked me who was ordering and I said "Annie". I had to order my own cake. The woman was silent. FML

#1930906
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47627) - you deserved it (6140)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Annebelle (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

#1927790
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56532) - you deserved it (4952)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:22am - love - by heartbreakkid21 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

#1904436
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20123) - you deserved it (47788)

On 05/13/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

#1815413
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75430) - you deserved it (8413)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

#1797084
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58720) - you deserved it (5221)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:38pm - health - by busybee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

#1775896
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30396) - you deserved it (77537)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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