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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML

#3774043
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17252) - you deserved it (38654)

On 07/15/2009 at 1:24pm - work - by kjcarey123 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

#3772243
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (14881)

On 07/15/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

#3684886
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43465) - you deserved it (18665)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:05am - intimacy - by i.ask.you.how. (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately after the guy and I sat down, he excused himself to make a call. A couple of feet away from our table, I heard him say, "Come on, Justin, this is the best you could do??" Over the phone. Justin is the guy who set us up. FML

#3676766
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44436) - you deserved it (2766)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:19pm - love - by blind_loser (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

#3593405
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46397) - you deserved it (5641)

On 07/08/2009 at 9:28pm - love - by WeightAMinute (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

#3485353
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11347) - you deserved it (57888)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:56pm - animals - by SwordFish8 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML

#3478288
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56771) - you deserved it (2716)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by hangup (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML

#3465145
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64476) - you deserved it (15785)

On 07/03/2009 at 9:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

#3430173
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41615) - you deserved it (8295)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:37pm - money - by kbrider (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

#3423301
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55078) - you deserved it (4416)

On 07/02/2009 at 9:31am - love - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

#3383261
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44804) - you deserved it (7027)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:31am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband passed a massive kidney stone. He is so proud of it that he wants to decorate our home with it. It is now sitting on my kitchen counter next to my produce. FML

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

#3264690
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66195) - you deserved it (2911)

On 06/27/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by OfCourse (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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