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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

#21154136
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63195) - you deserved it (5573)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Yeppets - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom insisted on making my lunch. She didn't know that knives are banned at my high school, and packed me a steak knife for cream cheese. I'm now suspended for 7 days, and she refuses to say that she did anything wrong. FML

#21152537
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51351) - you deserved it (4897)

On 05/26/2014 at 6:34pm - misc - by megangubler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

#21151109
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46108) - you deserved it (32813)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:50am - love - by HomicidalPegasus (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

#21146659
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31491) - you deserved it (26870)

On 05/20/2014 at 8:53pm - misc - by My__life___ (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML

#21146042
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41120) - you deserved it (8076)

On 05/20/2014 at 5:54am - misc - by sothishappened (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called the cops on a couple who was fighting outside my window at 4am. They hid in the bushes when the cops came, came back out when they left, and started fighting again. FML

#21142655
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43709) - you deserved it (4378)

On 05/17/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by frustrated - United States (Illinois)

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

#21138539
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47008) - you deserved it (4468)

On 05/13/2014 at 9:58am - money - by monkey2069 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I let my sister use my phone to play music in the shower, expecting her to use the speakers I have. She used a ziplock bag with a hole in it to connect her headphones. Now I have a waterlogged phone and my sister still doesn't understand why it didn't work. FML

#21130991
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43383) - you deserved it (7583)

On 05/04/2014 at 11:18pm - misc - by wow. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42186) - you deserved it (8572)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42636) - you deserved it (3547)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

#21107174
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45012) - you deserved it (3155)

On 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm - work - by watch_corn_dance - United States (Illinois)

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

#21095315
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41355) - you deserved it (5962)

On 03/24/2014 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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