Today, I got a call from my manager saying that I won't need to work this weekend. Too bad I already cancelled a family vacation because he threatened to fire me if I didn't work this weekend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18105) - you deserved it (902)
On 08/02/2012 at 12:22pm - work - by Pizzaguy (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5902) - you deserved it (32957)
On 07/31/2012 at 11:53am - love - by TheMissMuffly (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9643) - you deserved it (24517)
On 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4081) - you deserved it (33641)
On 07/26/2012 at 10:48am - health - by maddiebauer - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14133) - you deserved it (5099)
On 07/18/2012 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17918) - you deserved it (1709)
On 07/03/2012 at 11:08am - work - by melikeyturtles - United States (Illinois)
Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14381) - you deserved it (3045)
On 06/25/2012 at 11:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18695) - you deserved it (2209)
On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17710) - you deserved it (10803)
On 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Shelby - United States (Illinois)
Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18038) - you deserved it (4807)
On 06/16/2012 at 1:45am - misc - by NotGay (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16762) - you deserved it (1208)
On 06/13/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10386) - you deserved it (31252)
On 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by Rob (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3486) - you deserved it (19005)
On 05/27/2012 at 11:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 20 May 2013
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