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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

#5219756
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38179) - you deserved it (3926)

On 09/13/2009 at 12:26am - love - by broken (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

#5217038
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28673) - you deserved it (7096)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Tagged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

#5205982
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38322) - you deserved it (6354)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

#5190838
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37665) - you deserved it (2428)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by SlowLane (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

#5163523
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14688) - you deserved it (35331)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:25am - intimacy - by wallflower (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I played a goth character in my friend's student film with goth clothes, lip ring, eyeliner, etc. We went into Starbucks at break and an elderly man came up to me and said "Your kind is the reason for all the bad stuff in this world" and then spat in my $5 drink. FML

#5141250
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42078) - you deserved it (4866)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by comet5002 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

#5131890
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8904) - you deserved it (40144)

On 09/08/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by firefighter (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

#5110537
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35206) - you deserved it (6025)

On 09/07/2009 at 6:19pm - work - by CMANIA (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

#5105234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14046) - you deserved it (51443)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm - money - by ByeByeBlackberry (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

#5054871
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38687) - you deserved it (5132)

On 09/05/2009 at 2:30am - love - by prin (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was using my mom's computer, a spider crawled onto the screen. So as per my usual reaction to seeing a spider, I smashed it as fast as I could. I missed the spider, but now I have to buy my mom a new monitor. FML

#5052267
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7684) - you deserved it (39437)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:06am - animals - by spideypowers (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

#4967329
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37987) - you deserved it (9151)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:03am - health - by David (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML

#4957088
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39252) - you deserved it (9418)

On 08/31/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by Cherie (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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