FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2010 at 9:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 9:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 10:33am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets (of our favorite band) for his birthday. I was expecting him to bring me since I gave them to him and I like the band too. He said, "Sweet, thanks, I'll call my friend now and see if he wants to go. Think you could give us a ride?" FML

by anlhawks / 09/10/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

by undoable / 09/08/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My first day in regular biology, my lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. FML

by shelbs61 / 08/30/2010 at 3:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML

by gleefan116 / 08/27/2010 at 8:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

by jessiegirl / 08/21/2010 at 11:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

by dentallycorrect / 08/19/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2010 at 1:24am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

by anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

by clu / 08/10/2010 at 2:07am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation