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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML

#4789258
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41200) - you deserved it (6795)

On 08/24/2009 at 5:27pm - love - by NotCuteEnough (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

#4787214
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51337) - you deserved it (4231)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:59pm - misc - by embarassed_chick (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

#4764613
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7676) - you deserved it (34717)

On 08/23/2009 at 7:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

#4738861
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29189) - you deserved it (10345)

On 08/22/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

#4706873
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37084) - you deserved it (2769)

On 08/21/2009 at 11:36am - love - by sophistication (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

#4698361
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33945) - you deserved it (2898)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:52am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

#4672894
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9265) - you deserved it (60208)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

#4650437
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42740) - you deserved it (3306)

On 08/19/2009 at 5:08am - love - by catguy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

#4562910
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38130) - you deserved it (5490)

On 08/16/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by stuff - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant I decided to be nice and offer a woman free parking. I said, "give me a high five and I'll give you free parking since I already did the paper work." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paper work. FML

#4533518
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38600) - you deserved it (7579)

On 08/14/2009 at 8:19pm - work - by ParkingGuy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents decided to visit me. When I first got my apartment I gave them a key "just in case" and today they used this key to enter when I didn't answer their knocking. I didn't answer because I was having sex with my boyfriend. My parents saw everything. They didn't know I was gay. FML

Today, I found why exactly my clothes always seemed more stretched out after about a week of owning them. My mom steals and wears them when she goes clubbing. My mom is 46, twice my size, and gets out more than me. FML

#4359273
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40020) - you deserved it (3301)

On 08/07/2009 at 11:31am - misc - by Crazyyyymomentsss (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

#4299271
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12795) - you deserved it (52901)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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