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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

#5513744
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27371) - you deserved it (18563)

On 09/27/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by thanksbro (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

#5505995
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48337) - you deserved it (2109)

On 09/27/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by stalker (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

#5449988
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23552) - you deserved it (2040)

On 09/24/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by Madison43097 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

#5409336
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35049) - you deserved it (6830)

On 09/22/2009 at 2:20am - money - by robbedonCTA (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

#5403553
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41766) - you deserved it (2384)

On 09/21/2009 at 9:50pm - work - by bass (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

#5330246
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34972) - you deserved it (3682)

On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - animals - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

#5306318
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11180) - you deserved it (48495)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by almostmugged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

#5230758
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44818) - you deserved it (2994)

On 09/13/2009 at 3:18pm - love - by misc (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

#5219756
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37851) - you deserved it (3899)

On 09/13/2009 at 12:26am - love - by broken (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

#5217038
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28468) - you deserved it (7081)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Tagged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

#5205982
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38123) - you deserved it (6329)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

#5190838
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37195) - you deserved it (2393)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by SlowLane (man) - United States (Illinois)



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