Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, the traffic court judge didn't believe my three witnesses and two security cameras that proved I was innocent. He claimed a cop would never lie, and that the dashboard security cameras, which the cop brought in, were somehow edited by me. I was fined $1,000 and my license was suspended. FML

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

#5716873
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12108) - you deserved it (2447)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:41am - intimacy - by JD (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

#5682176
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30090) - you deserved it (6724)

On 10/06/2009 at 1:33pm - misc - by Crotch_Rocket_Rider (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML

#5678496
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33126) - you deserved it (8491)

On 10/06/2009 at 4:28am - misc - by coolchicka05 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

#5564287
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36579) - you deserved it (3013)

On 09/30/2009 at 11:12am - health - by sick (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I arrived at work at 8, and business was abnormally slow, but we assumed it would pick up. Few hours later, we had not had a single customer. As I walk out of the restaurant, I realize the open sign has been off all day. FML

#5519537
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7810) - you deserved it (31811)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:03am - misc - by Charlotte - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

#5513744
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24829) - you deserved it (17615)

On 09/27/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by thanksbro (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

#5505995
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46810) - you deserved it (1995)

On 09/27/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by stalker (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

#5449988
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18152) - you deserved it (1432)

On 09/24/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by Madison43097 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

#5409336
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33711) - you deserved it (6659)

On 09/22/2009 at 2:20am - money - by robbedonCTA (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

#5403553
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39125) - you deserved it (2177)

On 09/21/2009 at 9:50pm - work - by bass (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

#5330246
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31763) - you deserved it (3380)

On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - animals - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: