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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

#8268045
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18268) - you deserved it (3564)

On 02/14/2010 at 9:16pm - intimacy - by adam - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

#8195663
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23532) - you deserved it (2695)

On 02/13/2010 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

#8106835
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19012) - you deserved it (4634)

On 02/10/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by roundemup (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML

#8099753
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30803) - you deserved it (7757)

On 02/10/2010 at 7:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized after sending out countless copies of my resume to companies, I failed to add my phone number on it. FML

#7960442
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7224) - you deserved it (26901)

On 02/07/2010 at 1:12am - work - by jobless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

#7883509
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19543) - you deserved it (11372)

On 02/04/2010 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by stoopidpoop (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

#7845812
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37364) - you deserved it (2665)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:58pm - love - by bluebride (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was babysitting three little kids. I decided to give one of them (a seven-year-old) a piggy-back ride, thinking I'm strong enough. I managed to get a few feet before faceplanting on the wooden floor. She is fine though, no pain or anything. My face took the impact for both of us. FML

#7693157
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8736) - you deserved it (22556)

On 01/30/2010 at 12:05am - kids - by ouchy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

#7651599
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26701) - you deserved it (2235)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

#7608615
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22139) - you deserved it (4660)

On 01/27/2010 at 6:55am - intimacy - by Patrick - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that said "Dude, I think she knows I'm going to break up with her." FML

#7534728
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33600) - you deserved it (2436)

On 01/24/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

#7493189
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32682) - you deserved it (4092)

On 01/22/2010 at 2:26am - love - by Rodrigeuz26 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

#7357250
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5871) - you deserved it (43407)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:39pm - work - by englishfail (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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