FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

by Fresca11 / 06/28/2011 at 8:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

by kaplwv116 / 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

by alo1434 / 06/23/2011 at 4:54am / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, my mom sold our electronic stuff to pay for hurricane shutters. We live in Chicago. FML

by knevs / 06/22/2011 at 4:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2011 at 11:43am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

by anonymous / 06/17/2011 at 3:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

by MakeMeASandwich / 06/10/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

by minecraftwilldie / 06/02/2011 at 12:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML

by skigal24 / 05/30/2011 at 10:59am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

by redhanded / 05/28/2011 at 5:24am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

by Anon / 05/25/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

by squirrels69ing / 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2011 at 11:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous