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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML

#12776865
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27904) - you deserved it (8274)

On 08/27/2010 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by gleefan116 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

#12673402
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39528) - you deserved it (5904)

On 08/21/2010 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by jessiegirl - United States (Illinois)

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

#12617808
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31289) - you deserved it (4864)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by dentallycorrect - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

#12531799
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7390) - you deserved it (36968)

On 08/15/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

#12467820
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31351) - you deserved it (2730)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

#12467106
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41680) - you deserved it (3997)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

#12425541
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7783) - you deserved it (32272)

On 08/10/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by clu - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

#12364417
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34325) - you deserved it (6546)

On 08/07/2010 at 1:21am - love - by Hunterxx (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

#12150388
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22535) - you deserved it (2264)

On 07/27/2010 at 7:25pm - work - by hurikan68 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

#12105075
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25061) - you deserved it (14459)

On 07/25/2010 at 3:31pm - misc - by ScienceFail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

#12081632
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24847) - you deserved it (7305)

On 07/24/2010 at 5:49am - work - by wils (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

#12077410
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25236) - you deserved it (9547)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:09am - kids - by HarvestMoon_gal (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

#11866175
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37314) - you deserved it (3221)

On 07/14/2010 at 1:08am - love - by Depressed (man) - United States (Illinois)



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