Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, a customer called the Chinese restaurant where I work and complained about her takeout order not including donuts. After informing her that we don't have them, she started to curse at me while citing the website as proof. She thought wontons were synonymous with donuts. FML

Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML

#21419646
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28473) - you deserved it (2943)

On 06/02/2015 at 10:59am - love - by skid (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

#21418416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32744) - you deserved it (5106)

On 05/31/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by bonehead69 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

#21414880
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27627) - you deserved it (2447)

On 05/24/2015 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

#21410601
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37228) - you deserved it (2271)

On 05/15/2015 at 4:58pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

#21407249
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29449) - you deserved it (9601)

On 05/09/2015 at 1:13pm - misc - by Rar (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

#21405568
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29113) - you deserved it (3095)

On 05/06/2015 at 9:36am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

#21401745
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35661) - you deserved it (4941)

On 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my 2 year old to the potty in a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

#21394708
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32130) - you deserved it (2785)

On 04/16/2015 at 2:36pm - kids - by klutz44 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

#21393865
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32191) - you deserved it (3778)

On 04/15/2015 at 12:17am - kids - by mommylife (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

#21392651
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30417) - you deserved it (2673)

On 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm - misc - by mademoiselle meurtre (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

#21383638
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28343) - you deserved it (2386)

On 03/29/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: