FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, one of my customers told me he was going to kill himself when I explained to him that I wasn't going to be able to deliver him the gallon of milk he wanted. I work in a pharmacy, dispensing medication. FML

by HeatherFeatherB / 01/04/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I went to the dentist. She had a tool that sucks up saliva, and put it in my mouth. She told me to close my mouth, and I did. Turns out she forgot to turn it on, causing my saliva to go all over my face. I had to sit like that for the rest of the visit. FML

by My spit everywhere / 12/30/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was at an amusement park with friends. We wanted to get a picture of all four of us, so we asked a nice-looking man to take it for us on my brand-new iPhone 6s. He took something. Unfortunately, it wasn't a picture. FML

by phone-less / 12/16/2015 at 9:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my date suggested we go to 10:30 p.m. movie so we could "talk" in the car afterwards, when the parking lot was empty. Thus, at 1 a.m., I thought we were going to make out. However, he only asked where I get my car air freshener from, had me write down the scent, and then suggested we go home. FML

by badplannning / 11/29/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 9:58am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

by Congrats? / 10/27/2015 at 11:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

by CollegeKid / 10/27/2015 at 6:28am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking through school when I noticed an advertisement for school picture retakes. It read, "Bad hair day?" Underneath was my picture. That's my normal hair. FML

by TheLemonMan / 10/15/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2015 at 9:07am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2015 at 3:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, thanks to the terrible carpool planning of one of my friends, I had the pleasure of driving both of my ex-boyfriends to homecoming. Neither one of them knew that I had dated the other, but they sure do now. FML

by badplannning / 10/04/2015 at 1:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML

by FML / 10/02/2015 at 5:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I had to listen to my coworker complain about how working 19 hours a week leaves her with no time to go to the doctor and get her bronchitis treated. Meanwhile I work 40 hours a week, as well as doing 18 credit hours at school, and she refuses to cover her mouth. FML

by sobusy / 09/25/2015 at 1:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Work