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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

#8540042
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22034) - you deserved it (3258)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:17am - love - by shwasted (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said ,"It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML

#8397954
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27221) - you deserved it (3123)

On 02/18/2010 at 1:38am - misc - by Lizzielollipop816 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I brought my new girlfriend over to show off to my family when my senile great-grandmother walked into the room wearing nothing but her underpants asking when the Olympics come on. FML

#8366162
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22910) - you deserved it (2233)

On 02/17/2010 at 2:30am - misc - by unfortunate419 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my best friend pays my boyfriend to this day to take me out. FML

#8299484
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32690) - you deserved it (2705)

On 02/15/2010 at 1:08pm - love - by thirdwheel (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

#8268045
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17650) - you deserved it (3491)

On 02/14/2010 at 9:16pm - intimacy - by adam - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

#8195663
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22166) - you deserved it (2585)

On 02/13/2010 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

#8106835
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18301) - you deserved it (4557)

On 02/10/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by roundemup (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML

#8099753
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29803) - you deserved it (7605)

On 02/10/2010 at 7:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized after sending out countless copies of my resume to companies, I failed to add my phone number on it. FML

#7960442
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7119) - you deserved it (26613)

On 02/07/2010 at 1:12am - work - by jobless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

#7883509
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19335) - you deserved it (11290)

On 02/04/2010 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by stoopidpoop (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

#7845812
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36225) - you deserved it (2581)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:58pm - love - by bluebride (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was babysitting three little kids. I decided to give one of them (a seven-year-old) a piggy-back ride, thinking I'm strong enough. I managed to get a few feet before faceplanting on the wooden floor. She is fine though, no pain or anything. My face took the impact for both of us. FML

#7693157
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8662) - you deserved it (22394)

On 01/30/2010 at 12:05am - kids - by ouchy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

#7651599
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26521) - you deserved it (2223)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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