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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

#12081632
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23973) - you deserved it (7144)

On 07/24/2010 at 5:49am - work - by wils (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

#12077410
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24078) - you deserved it (9327)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:09am - kids - by HarvestMoon_gal (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

#11866175
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37173) - you deserved it (3216)

On 07/14/2010 at 1:08am - love - by Depressed (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

#11831310
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11443) - you deserved it (65261)

On 07/12/2010 at 3:42pm - health - by jazthefish (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I made my mom a mix CD for her car. It took me ages to find just the right songs that would be perfect for her. When I played it for her in the car, she took it out and threw it out of the window. FML

#11798606
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31807) - you deserved it (4899)

On 07/10/2010 at 9:00pm - misc - by lovelikewoe (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally got around to doing laundry. The washing machines in my condominium building take about an hour to do a load. When I returned to throw my clothes in a dryer, I realized they were never washed in the first place. I used my card and detergent to pay for another person's laundry. FML

#11690114
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9844) - you deserved it (28133)

On 07/06/2010 at 1:14am - misc - by Pickle (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while drinking at a bar with my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend who I've been seeing on the side walked straight up to her, introducing herself as "the ex-girlfriend that he's been sleeping with for the past 3 months." FML

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

#11497127
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38128) - you deserved it (3309)

On 06/27/2010 at 2:03pm - misc - by ac13 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year old guy who cleans our pool. FML

#11225858
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57398) - you deserved it (7123)

On 06/15/2010 at 9:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss fired me because he said I was spending too much time surfing the internet. When I reminded him that my work computer isn't even networked, he said, "Oh, sorry, you're the one who takes too many smoke breaks." When I told him that I don't even smoke, he said, "Just go..." FML

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

#10959899
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11089) - you deserved it (31108)

On 06/04/2010 at 1:36am - work - by firecrotch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

#10945520
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44487) - you deserved it (24485)

On 06/03/2010 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Allie - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

#10922943
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18264) - you deserved it (27437)

On 06/02/2010 at 5:31pm - health - by Official_Person (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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