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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

#16383481
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16831) - you deserved it (59974)

On 05/28/2011 at 5:24am - intimacy - by redhanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

#16338275
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34265) - you deserved it (9537)

On 05/25/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by Anon (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

#16287224
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45938) - you deserved it (6022)

On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

#16246614
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12014) - you deserved it (22888)

On 05/18/2011 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago my 4 year old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

#16176534
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47720) - you deserved it (4252)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:35pm - love - by Clueless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

#16076129
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41920) - you deserved it (3159)

On 05/07/2011 at 7:54am - love - by bigcityfail (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

#16075095
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11969) - you deserved it (48282)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:40am - misc - by Kaz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I've spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML

#15938297
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28912) - you deserved it (5789)

On 04/26/2011 at 7:11pm - misc - by gottapee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML

#15669664
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43475) - you deserved it (7066)

On 04/06/2011 at 7:57pm - work - by PsychoSarah (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

#15591569
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34991) - you deserved it (6718)

On 04/01/2011 at 5:12pm - animals - by poopybed - United States (Illinois)

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

#15565101
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38659) - you deserved it (7819)

On 03/30/2011 at 7:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

#15512753
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26504) - you deserved it (7904)

On 03/27/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by nicchick411 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML

#15485596
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26102) - you deserved it (9734)

On 03/25/2011 at 5:52pm - animals - by fish killer - United States (Illinois)



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