FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

by Fatty / 12/28/2011 at 2:57am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML

by bigmistake / 12/23/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

by Tey / 12/21/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML

by mo / 12/19/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

by Musicfreak / 12/18/2011 at 6:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML

by Mariah Heimann / 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my creepy, stalker ex-girlfriend was given an anonymous love letter. She's convinced it's from me. FML

by DJ / 12/10/2011 at 8:01pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss' car. FML

by charliebravo77 / 12/09/2011 at 3:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

by smileytheface / 12/05/2011 at 10:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

by wowthatwould / 12/04/2011 at 4:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

by bad blood, no shit / 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Love