FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

by Tey / 12/21/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML

by mo / 12/19/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

by Musicfreak / 12/18/2011 at 6:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML

by Mariah Heimann / 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my creepy, stalker ex-girlfriend was given an anonymous love letter. She's convinced it's from me. FML

by DJ / 12/10/2011 at 8:01pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss' car. FML

by charliebravo77 / 12/09/2011 at 3:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

by smileytheface / 12/05/2011 at 10:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

by wowthatwould / 12/04/2011 at 4:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

by bad blood, no shit / 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my neighbors coated their house in flashing Christmas lights and blared out "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" all day long. Only 29 days left until Christmas. FML

by Me / 11/26/2011 at 6:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML

by CRC / 11/23/2011 at 10:38am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous