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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

#12617808
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30484) - you deserved it (4783)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by dentallycorrect - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

#12531799
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7330) - you deserved it (36784)

On 08/15/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

#12467820
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31145) - you deserved it (2725)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

#12467106
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41451) - you deserved it (3980)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

#12425541
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7716) - you deserved it (32112)

On 08/10/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by clu - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

#12364417
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34119) - you deserved it (6528)

On 08/07/2010 at 1:21am - love - by Hunterxx (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

#12150388
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22348) - you deserved it (2250)

On 07/27/2010 at 7:25pm - work - by hurikan68 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

#12105075
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24867) - you deserved it (14409)

On 07/25/2010 at 3:31pm - misc - by ScienceFail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

#12081632
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23439) - you deserved it (7081)

On 07/24/2010 at 5:49am - work - by wils (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

#12077410
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24015) - you deserved it (9310)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:09am - kids - by HarvestMoon_gal (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

#11866175
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36441) - you deserved it (3150)

On 07/14/2010 at 1:08am - love - by Depressed (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

#11831310
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11419) - you deserved it (65165)

On 07/12/2010 at 3:42pm - health - by jazthefish (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I made my mom a mix CD for her car. It took me ages to find just the right songs that would be perfect for her. When I played it for her in the car, she took it out and threw it out of the window. FML

#11798606
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30961) - you deserved it (4798)

On 07/10/2010 at 9:00pm - misc - by lovelikewoe (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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