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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

#16714165
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34100) - you deserved it (3933)

On 06/17/2011 at 3:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

#16589228
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53807) - you deserved it (8377)

On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

#16467610
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38635) - you deserved it (13853)

On 06/02/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by minecraftwilldie - United States (Illinois)

Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML

#16416160
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30416) - you deserved it (15868)

On 05/30/2011 at 10:59am - health - by skigal24 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

#16383481
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16408) - you deserved it (59013)

On 05/28/2011 at 5:24am - intimacy - by redhanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

#16338275
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32932) - you deserved it (9322)

On 05/25/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by Anon (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

#16287224
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44858) - you deserved it (5927)

On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

#16246614
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11665) - you deserved it (22351)

On 05/18/2011 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago my 4 year old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

#16176534
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46198) - you deserved it (4127)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:35pm - love - by Clueless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

#16076129
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40995) - you deserved it (3095)

On 05/07/2011 at 7:54am - love - by bigcityfail (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

#16075095
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11509) - you deserved it (47009)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:40am - misc - by Kaz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I've spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML

#15938297
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27671) - you deserved it (5638)

On 04/26/2011 at 7:11pm - misc - by gottapee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML

#15669664
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39584) - you deserved it (6690)

On 04/06/2011 at 7:57pm - work - by PsychoSarah (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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