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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my mom still hasn't gotten over the novelty of our brand new microwave. We've been eating hot pockets for nearly a week now. FML

#17281268
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28582) - you deserved it (3440)

On 07/27/2011 at 7:45pm - misc - by ladytyy - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML

#17280926
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25859) - you deserved it (8385)

On 07/27/2011 at 6:21pm - misc - by supergirl7 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned it's best not to piss off your mom when she's cutting your hair. FML

#17275625
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12524) - you deserved it (40683)

On 07/27/2011 at 12:50am - misc - by :( - United States (Illinois)

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

#17190246
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40881) - you deserved it (11621)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm - love - by John (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

#17145541
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32993) - you deserved it (3115)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:00am - work - by sfabsits - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

#17142025
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34893) - you deserved it (3181)

On 07/16/2011 at 10:46pm - work - by sandwichmaker - United States (Illinois)

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

#17128085
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38557) - you deserved it (8852)

On 07/15/2011 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, at a family reunion, my dad announced to everyone that I'd finally started my menstrual cycle. My grandmother started sobbing hysterically. FML

#17092331
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42511) - you deserved it (2949)

On 07/13/2011 at 9:31am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a turtle on the road so I swerved, and hit a tree. The people behind me then hit the turtle. FML

#17078585
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36810) - you deserved it (12109)

On 07/12/2011 at 9:26am - misc - by turtle - United States (Illinois)

Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML

#17074594
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39811) - you deserved it (10042)

On 07/12/2011 at 12:40am - misc - by _Emilyy - United States (Illinois)

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

#17027029
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39911) - you deserved it (4994)

On 07/08/2011 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Jack - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

#17023153
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57269) - you deserved it (11386)

On 07/08/2011 at 1:19am - love - by Nick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

#16974064
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29958) - you deserved it (3779)

On 07/04/2011 at 3:06pm - misc - by Kate - United States (Illinois)



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