FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I placed my phone on the counter next to the toilet. While I was washing my hair, someone called me. My phone was on vibrate, so I didn't hear it until it vibrated off the counter and into the toilet. FML

by needanewphone / 01/22/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm so broke that when I got out of the shower, I had to slowly dry myself off with a ShamWow sample I received in the mail. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2012 at 3:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I had to explain to my 65-year-old mother that it is inappropriate for her to walk around in front of me in her underwear. Her response? "Too bad." FML

by appropriatepolice / 01/16/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

by rook / 01/09/2012 at 4:08am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

by Fatty / 12/28/2011 at 2:57am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML

by bigmistake / 12/23/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

by Tey / 12/21/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML

by mo / 12/19/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

by Musicfreak / 12/18/2011 at 6:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML

by Mariah Heimann / 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my creepy, stalker ex-girlfriend was given an anonymous love letter. She's convinced it's from me. FML

by DJ / 12/10/2011 at 8:01pm / United States (Illinois) / Love