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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17348) - you deserved it (41202)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML

#13241516
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8701) - you deserved it (44710)

On 09/28/2010 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

#13187772
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20131) - you deserved it (3211)

On 09/24/2010 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

#13126825
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47877) - you deserved it (21124)

On 09/20/2010 at 10:33am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets (of our favorite band) for his birthday. I was expecting him to bring me since I gave them to him and I like the band too. He said, "Sweet, thanks, I'll call my friend now and see if he wants to go. Think you could give us a ride?" FML

#12985012
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33646) - you deserved it (5321)

On 09/10/2010 at 12:02am - love - by anlhawks - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

#12966386
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25297) - you deserved it (9066)

On 09/08/2010 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by undoable - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My first day in regular biology, my lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. FML

Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML

#12776865
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27703) - you deserved it (8261)

On 08/27/2010 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by gleefan116 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

#12673402
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38534) - you deserved it (5801)

On 08/21/2010 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by jessiegirl - United States (Illinois)

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

#12617808
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31124) - you deserved it (4848)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by dentallycorrect - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

#12531799
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7350) - you deserved it (36818)

On 08/15/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

#12467820
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31184) - you deserved it (2726)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

#12467106
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41477) - you deserved it (3984)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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