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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

#5403553
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35445) - you deserved it (1712)

On 09/21/2009 at 9:50pm - work - by bass (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

#5330246
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29887) - you deserved it (3211)

On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - animals - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

#5306318
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8880) - you deserved it (36834)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by almostmugged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

#5230758
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39245) - you deserved it (2283)

On 09/13/2009 at 3:18pm - love - by misc (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

#5219756
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31942) - you deserved it (2959)

On 09/13/2009 at 12:26am - love - by broken (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

#5217038
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23184) - you deserved it (5617)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Tagged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

#5205982
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31767) - you deserved it (4882)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

#5190838
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31381) - you deserved it (1749)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by SlowLane (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

#5163523
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10056) - you deserved it (23692)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:25am - intimacy - by wallflower (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I played a goth character in my friend's student film with goth clothes, lip ring, eyeliner, etc. We went into Starbucks at break and an elderly man came up to me and said "Your kind is the reason for all the bad stuff in this world" and then spat in my $5 drink. FML

#5141250
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35630) - you deserved it (3752)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by comet5002 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

#5131890
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6963) - you deserved it (29586)

On 09/08/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by firefighter (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

#5110537
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28808) - you deserved it (4638)

On 09/07/2009 at 6:19pm - work - by CMANIA (man) - United States (Illinois)



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