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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago my 4 year old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

#16176534
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46176) - you deserved it (4125)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:35pm - love - by Clueless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

#16076129
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38517) - you deserved it (2921)

On 05/07/2011 at 7:54am - love - by bigcityfail (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

#16075095
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11502) - you deserved it (46994)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:40am - misc - by Kaz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I've spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML

#15938297
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27649) - you deserved it (5637)

On 04/26/2011 at 7:11pm - misc - by gottapee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML

#15669664
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39561) - you deserved it (6686)

On 04/06/2011 at 7:57pm - work - by PsychoSarah (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

#15591569
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31774) - you deserved it (6376)

On 04/01/2011 at 5:12pm - animals - by poopybed - United States (Illinois)

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

#15565101
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37397) - you deserved it (7669)

On 03/30/2011 at 7:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

#15512753
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23251) - you deserved it (7552)

On 03/27/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by nicchick411 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML

#15485596
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24492) - you deserved it (9448)

On 03/25/2011 at 5:52pm - animals - by fish killer - United States (Illinois)

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

#15206605
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25263) - you deserved it (5188)

On 03/05/2011 at 1:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend and I taught a very involved healthy nutrition program to underprivileged youths at a local center. We even made them a healthy snack at the end of the program. Within minutes of the program being over, we catch some of our fellow volunteers feeding the kids Oreos. FML

#15182858
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23366) - you deserved it (4766)

On 03/03/2011 at 1:58am - work - by Pickle (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told the guy I like to listen to a song that expressed how I felt about him. When he was done, I asked what he thought about it. He said it made him realize that his ex was the love of his life and that he wants to go back to her. FML

#15131061
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34904) - you deserved it (7197)

On 02/26/2011 at 9:30pm - love - by sweet2u22 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

#15079652
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22143) - you deserved it (33913)

On 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by CutieBooty (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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