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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I found out that my mom screams like a dying monkey while having sex. Even with my music turned up all the way, I can still hear her through our paper thin walls. FML

#14867901
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32347) - you deserved it (2841)

On 02/06/2011 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got chickenpox. I'm 28 and having chickenpox as an adult is excruciatingly painful. When I told my boss I wasn't going to be at work today because of chickenpox he replied, "That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Adults don't get chickenpox." He then fired me. FML

#14832801
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35574) - you deserved it (2431)

On 02/03/2011 at 10:19pm - health - by Pox (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at my doctor's office. I thought I had a kidney stone. Turns out I'm pregnant and I have a kidney stone. FML

#14689339
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27431) - you deserved it (4404)

On 01/23/2011 at 7:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

#14606739
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20479) - you deserved it (3971)

On 01/16/2011 at 10:59pm - misc - by sos (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML

#14490872
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22944) - you deserved it (4394)

On 01/06/2011 at 10:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

#14450678
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17331) - you deserved it (3341)

On 01/03/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by klyoung5 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

#14432295
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21982) - you deserved it (7001)

On 01/02/2011 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

#14416914
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31685) - you deserved it (3259)

On 01/01/2011 at 12:06am - work - by Chris - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML

#14356876
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30165) - you deserved it (6239)

On 12/27/2010 at 12:52pm - love - by ohmy. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

#14356435
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18884) - you deserved it (7222)

On 12/27/2010 at 11:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

#14353887
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8202) - you deserved it (91075)

On 12/27/2010 at 3:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

#14337359
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34910) - you deserved it (9791)

On 12/25/2010 at 6:21pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

#14325917
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28532) - you deserved it (3223)

On 12/24/2010 at 5:32pm - misc - by hahahano (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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