Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32304) - you deserved it (7966)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

#18028228
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17545) - you deserved it (8091)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Helmet (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought I'd be helpful and pick up my Dad's car from the repairs shop for him while he was at work. So, on my own, I hopped in my car and I drove the 15 minutes out to the shop. Only upon arriving did I consider the situation I'd put myself in. FML

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

#17981728
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32322) - you deserved it (2075)

On 10/14/2011 at 11:09am - health - by Nixontones - United States (Illinois)

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

#17843744
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11989) - you deserved it (31163)

On 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm - health - by mimi - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

#17836220
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21724) - you deserved it (1960)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:28am - work - by Username - United States (Illinois)

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

#17830762
562 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29123) - you deserved it (17318)

On 09/25/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

#17801066
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30899) - you deserved it (4035)

On 09/21/2011 at 11:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50922) - you deserved it (6091)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on my way to a concert, some guy told me I had cool sunglasses. I was about to thank him until he punched me in the face. I woke up with no sunglasses and no ticket. FML

Today, I was at Wal-Mart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man comes up to me and said "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

#17770342
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25439) - you deserved it (3122)

On 09/18/2011 at 5:20am - misc - by yeahhhhhommmie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

#17742835
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31777) - you deserved it (5196)

On 09/14/2011 at 7:06am - misc - by funnymanjoe - United States (Illinois)

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I'm now afraid to add people on Facebook. FML

#17686086
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24802) - you deserved it (6426)

On 09/07/2011 at 1:23am - health - by pottie69 - United States (Illinois)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Idan Schneider's illustrated FML
  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: