FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my roommate decided to go on a group trip instead of paying our water bill. Now I can't shower until next week. FML

by megatron / 03/16/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2016 at 11:00am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, my tiny apartment flooded. My family lives out of state and the few friends I have all gave me B.S. excuses for why I can't stay over for a few nights. I'm so broke this month that I'll probably have to hit up my psycho ex. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2016 at 6:17am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked to an interview on my college campus. I got there early. The place was empty. I assumed I wrote the date wrong. Several hours later, a friend who also was interviewed asked me how my interview went. The date, time and location were all right. I don't know how I got lost. FML

by Needamap / 02/25/2016 at 5:20pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to my required district science fair with my project about gliders and was a bit unprepared in terms of personal knowledge on the science behind gliders. I was hoping I would get a judge who didn't know a lot about aerodynamics. One of my judges was a glider pilot. FML

by rmonk / 02/24/2016 at 8:13am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so sleep deprived that while making instant oatmeal, I poured the oats into the garbage and put the empty packet in a bowl, then microwaved it for 2 minutes. FML

by Agamar / 02/23/2016 at 12:00am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2016 at 7:16am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a bus to the city. When I sat down, my hand accidentally slapped again the knee of the guy sitting next to me. I apologized. He responded, "It's just a knee," and started stroking mine. This lasted the entire ride. FML

by That_Teenager_ / 02/17/2016 at 9:01pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

by thatcreepyteacher / 02/16/2016 at 11:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was miserable with a cold. So I ordered soup and noodles from a new Chinese restaurant. Now I am miserable with a cold and food poisoning. FML

by All the ills / 02/15/2016 at 3:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

by doodlecrzyMeg / 02/04/2016 at 1:56pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2016 at 10:54am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I learned how it feels to sneeze after having major spinal surgery when the pain medication has almost completely worn off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2016 at 11:13am / United States (Illinois) / Health