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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

#21454240
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22062) - you deserved it (2009)

On 08/10/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by lvegadelgado_6 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

#21451172
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35990) - you deserved it (6833)

On 08/03/2015 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ahhh - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

#21449508
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24483) - you deserved it (1656)

On 07/30/2015 at 11:30am - health - by WhatTheFuck - United States (Illinois)

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28126) - you deserved it (4341)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

#21445902
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29487) - you deserved it (1863)

On 07/23/2015 at 9:05am - animals - by dirtbikeguy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after hours of waiting in line, I finally met my favorite band. After posing for a picture, I looked at my phone to find that instead of taking a picture with me and the band, my friend took selfies. FML

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

#21440701
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25390) - you deserved it (3164)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:03pm - love - by newmoongirl1036 - United States (Illinois)

Today, after my boss has gotten in the habit of calling me "bubble wrap girl" at work because I'm clumsy and he claims I need to be covered in bubble wrap for my own protection, I have just probably broken two toes by dropping a hairdryer on my foot. I will never hear the end of this. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that once you love somebody you can never truly fall "out of love" with them. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her ex. FML

#21435838
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26517) - you deserved it (2013)

On 07/03/2015 at 11:52am - love - by worriedman - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm babysitting for kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4am and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

#21435758
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26843) - you deserved it (1983)

On 07/03/2015 at 5:09am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I heard my skinny 14-year-old daughter tell her friend, "Ugh, I wish I had leukemia or something so that I could lose weight." Yes, she actually said that. FML

Today, I politely asked a coworker to stop sticking his chewed-up gum to my desk. It's now 10:57 pm and my tires are slashed. FML

#21431204
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25752) - you deserved it (1716)

On 06/24/2015 at 2:49pm - work - by Ain't going nowhere - United States (Illinois)

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

#21422751
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27471) - you deserved it (5023)

On 06/08/2015 at 9:35am - intimacy - by LZapped (man) - United States (Illinois)



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