Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52983) - you deserved it (7994)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

#21194487
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39393) - you deserved it (2951)

On 06/30/2014 at 11:59pm - misc - by too cool (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

#21193691
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26141) - you deserved it (38582)

On 06/30/2014 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, someone stole my laptop from my car. However, they were nice enough to relock the doors after they smashed in the window. FML

#21189063
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39461) - you deserved it (5594)

On 06/26/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by stop thief (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while waiting for the start of a concert, the man behind me decided to pee into a cup. Then the cup tipped over and drained all down my leg. FML

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

#21176688
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44016) - you deserved it (9923)

On 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

#21154136
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62732) - you deserved it (5534)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Yeppets - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom insisted on making my lunch. She didn't know that knives are banned at my high school, and packed me a steak knife for cream cheese. I'm now suspended for 7 days, and she refuses to say that she did anything wrong. FML

#21152537
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51188) - you deserved it (4883)

On 05/26/2014 at 6:34pm - misc - by megangubler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

#21151109
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46023) - you deserved it (32760)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:50am - love - by HomicidalPegasus (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

#21146659
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31455) - you deserved it (26834)

On 05/20/2014 at 8:53pm - misc - by My__life___ (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML

#21146042
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41063) - you deserved it (8066)

On 05/20/2014 at 5:54am - misc - by sothishappened (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called the cops on a couple who was fighting outside my window at 4am. They hid in the bushes when the cops came, came back out when they left, and started fighting again. FML

#21142655
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43628) - you deserved it (4372)

On 05/17/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by frustrated - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: