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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

#18231005
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11007) - you deserved it (39918)

On 11/12/2011 at 7:36pm - work - by TTR (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

#18117452
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27402) - you deserved it (2294)

On 10/31/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21518) - you deserved it (9579)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

#18096005
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31833) - you deserved it (2399)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:59am - misc - by ashleyyyy - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32236) - you deserved it (7957)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

#18028228
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17498) - you deserved it (8085)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Helmet (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought I'd be helpful and pick up my Dad's car from the repairs shop for him while he was at work. So, on my own, I hopped in my car and I drove the 15 minutes out to the shop. Only upon arriving did I consider the situation I'd put myself in. FML

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

#17981728
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32259) - you deserved it (2073)

On 10/14/2011 at 11:09am - health - by Nixontones - United States (Illinois)

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

#17843744
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11955) - you deserved it (31109)

On 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm - health - by mimi - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

#17836220
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21665) - you deserved it (1957)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:28am - work - by Username - United States (Illinois)

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

#17830762
561 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28436) - you deserved it (17115)

On 09/25/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

#17801066
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30847) - you deserved it (4029)

On 09/21/2011 at 11:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50851) - you deserved it (6087)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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