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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

#17742835
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31636) - you deserved it (5184)

On 09/14/2011 at 7:06am - misc - by funnymanjoe - United States (Illinois)

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I'm now afraid to add people on Facebook. FML

#17686086
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24677) - you deserved it (6414)

On 09/07/2011 at 1:23am - health - by pottie69 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32858) - you deserved it (3646)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML

#17555349
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29184) - you deserved it (2499)

On 08/23/2011 at 3:14am - misc - by kykynevs - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML

#17547423
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28206) - you deserved it (2312)

On 08/22/2011 at 12:06pm - love - by kris (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

#17526290
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33265) - you deserved it (4472)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by W1D0 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

#17522944
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27175) - you deserved it (3670)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the ex I still have feelings for made a post on Facebook announcing her two month anniversary with her boyfriend. She broke up with me less than two weeks ago. FML

#17511125
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38295) - you deserved it (2725)

On 08/18/2011 at 4:25pm - love - by Chels (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

#17428761
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27266) - you deserved it (20716)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:12pm - misc - by elvisfreak5446 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML

#17362990
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32577) - you deserved it (11422)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:00am - intimacy - by laughingflame - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML

#17330120
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31871) - you deserved it (2683)

On 08/01/2011 at 8:55am - intimacy - by notsurprised (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

#17311021
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41985) - you deserved it (6133)

On 07/30/2011 at 5:06pm - health - by Ceej - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom still hasn't gotten over the novelty of our brand new microwave. We've been eating hot pockets for nearly a week now. FML

#17281268
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25035) - you deserved it (3114)

On 07/27/2011 at 7:45pm - misc - by ladytyy - United States (Illinois)



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