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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

#17981728
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32221) - you deserved it (2070)

On 10/14/2011 at 11:09am - health - by Nixontones - United States (Illinois)

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

#17843744
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11942) - you deserved it (31080)

On 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm - health - by mimi - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

#17836220
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21648) - you deserved it (1955)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:28am - work - by Username - United States (Illinois)

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

#17830762
560 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28408) - you deserved it (17110)

On 09/25/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

#17801066
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30812) - you deserved it (4029)

On 09/21/2011 at 11:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50812) - you deserved it (6086)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on my way to a concert, some guy told me I had cool sunglasses. I was about to thank him until he punched me in the face. I woke up with no sunglasses and no ticket. FML

Today, I was at Wal-Mart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man comes up to me and said "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

#17770342
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25364) - you deserved it (3108)

On 09/18/2011 at 5:20am - misc - by yeahhhhhommmie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

#17742835
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31668) - you deserved it (5186)

On 09/14/2011 at 7:06am - misc - by funnymanjoe - United States (Illinois)

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I'm now afraid to add people on Facebook. FML

#17686086
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24706) - you deserved it (6416)

On 09/07/2011 at 1:23am - health - by pottie69 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32886) - you deserved it (3648)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML

#17555349
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29209) - you deserved it (2501)

On 08/23/2011 at 3:14am - misc - by kykynevs - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML

#17547423
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28229) - you deserved it (2312)

On 08/22/2011 at 12:06pm - love - by kris (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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