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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

#18440924
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23592) - you deserved it (6342)

On 12/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by smileytheface - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

#18428813
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18343) - you deserved it (41396)

On 12/04/2011 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by wowthatwould (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

#18414489
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21539) - you deserved it (3177)

On 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm - love - by bad blood, no shit (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

#18368506
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22107) - you deserved it (3085)

On 11/27/2011 at 5:46pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my neighbors coated their house in flashing Christmas lights and blared out "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" all day long. Only 29 days left until Christmas. FML

#18358726
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23418) - you deserved it (2888)

On 11/26/2011 at 6:10pm - misc - by Me - United States (Illinois)

Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML

#18325691
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23909) - you deserved it (1963)

On 11/23/2011 at 10:38am - misc - by CRC (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

#18231005
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10613) - you deserved it (38983)

On 11/12/2011 at 7:36pm - work - by TTR (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

#18117452
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26636) - you deserved it (2238)

On 10/31/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21121) - you deserved it (9505)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

#18096005
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31093) - you deserved it (2350)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:59am - misc - by ashleyyyy - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32128) - you deserved it (7944)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

#18028228
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17426) - you deserved it (8068)

On 10/20/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Helmet (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought I'd be helpful and pick up my Dad's car from the repairs shop for him while he was at work. So, on my own, I hopped in my car and I drove the 15 minutes out to the shop. Only upon arriving did I consider the situation I'd put myself in. FML



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