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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML

#19505395
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23059) - you deserved it (3588)

On 04/21/2012 at 9:04am - love - by still hungry - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

#19455929
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14514) - you deserved it (34435)

On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

#19449472
463 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13919) - you deserved it (36288)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by erockinthesuburb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

#19433649
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20442) - you deserved it (2304)

On 04/08/2012 at 11:29pm - love - by Stinky. - United States (Illinois)

Today, things were getting heated between me and the guy I like, and we were about to have sex. I told him to turn the TV off so we can get started. His response? "But I like this show." FML

#19421733
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25503) - you deserved it (5302)

On 04/07/2012 at 3:04am - intimacy - by Judy69 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

#19387058
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22398) - you deserved it (4373)

On 04/01/2012 at 6:08am - love - by BigBangCheater (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I flew to Florida with my grandma. She tried to go through airport security with a pocket knife in her backpack. FML

#19369663
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20509) - you deserved it (1743)

On 03/29/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by yelyah - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got more happy birthday wishes on my porn account than my Facebook. FML

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

#19301320
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10535) - you deserved it (16626)

On 03/18/2012 at 3:18pm - love - by Jacklyn - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

#19299897
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27150) - you deserved it (2973)

On 03/18/2012 at 11:04am - work - by cachucy - United States (Illinois)

Today, I still have the bronchitis and the stomach flu that I suffered through all weekend. Today was to be the day I had my bachelorette party and wedding shower. I had to call both of them off. FML

#19264190
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23741) - you deserved it (1961)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I became a father. Unfortunately, my wife found out. FML

#19253868
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10022) - you deserved it (145788)

On 03/10/2012 at 9:16pm - misc - by Major3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML

#19250645
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19508) - you deserved it (3649)

On 03/10/2012 at 10:16am - love - by callen5 (man) - United States (Illinois)



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