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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

#19818500
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24582) - you deserved it (3214)

On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

#19812569
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22820) - you deserved it (15154)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Shelby - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

#19795313
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24021) - you deserved it (6641)

On 06/16/2012 at 1:45am - misc - by NotGay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

#19781971
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22052) - you deserved it (1763)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

#19743887
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13853) - you deserved it (37117)

On 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by Rob (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

#19691249
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5128) - you deserved it (28377)

On 05/27/2012 at 11:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

#19621354
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8283) - you deserved it (19387)

On 05/14/2012 at 8:40am - misc - by foreverDark - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

#19603084
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57360) - you deserved it (3103)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

#19579896
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29900) - you deserved it (2513)

On 05/06/2012 at 12:09am - health - by catherineratley - United States (Illinois)

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

#19573690
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20498) - you deserved it (2844)

On 05/04/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by Rae - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

#19562059
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19149) - you deserved it (4503)

On 05/02/2012 at 2:16am - love - by muddled (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking down the street, when an aging lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she had pickpocketed me of my wallet. FML

#19539590
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26892) - you deserved it (2168)

On 04/27/2012 at 9:55pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

#19516000
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9964) - you deserved it (17852)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:22am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Illinois)



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