FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

by kyyle / 01/10/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

by erjazo / 12/31/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was mopping the floor at the hotel I work at. Before I could react, a gentleman stormed through the corridor and slipped and fell on the still wet floor. He complained to the owner, who bitched me out just to satisfy the guy. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2013 at 4:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

by The_Rest_of_the_Story / 12/14/2013 at 1:38am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

by vin_dex / 12/05/2013 at 12:40am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know... every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML

by elle / 11/19/2013 at 12:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2013 at 4:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2013 at 5:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

by CallmeEddie / 11/14/2013 at 11:44am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

by CurseYouSonyaLee / 11/12/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Illinois) / Kids