FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

by .... / 11/29/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

by KilledTheMoment / 11/23/2014 at 1:10am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I found out that my mom is doing a study and is keeping used pads in the freezer. FML

by PPP / 11/13/2014 at 10:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. Her excuse? I was the one that had initially introduced them. FML

by johnnycomehelpme / 11/13/2014 at 7:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

by Halloween Fail / 10/31/2014 at 11:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

by anonymous / 10/31/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

by lady parts / 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2014 at 12:44pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

by Anonymos_fmler / 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 7:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 10:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love