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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML

#21053454
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47144) - you deserved it (3183)

On 02/07/2014 at 3:30pm - health - by ... - United States (Illinois)

Today, like every day, I had to walk to my bus stop. The only difference today is there was snow and ice over everything. Not only did I slip and fall, soaking both myself and the contents of my bag, the bus driver saw me there at the bus stop and drove straight past. FML

#21051124
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40985) - you deserved it (3214)

On 02/05/2014 at 9:07am - misc - by no snow day (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

#21050596
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43859) - you deserved it (16998)

On 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by khfhjfsb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

#21040628
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21279) - you deserved it (40178)

On 01/26/2014 at 1:20pm - misc - by shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

#21039277
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45936) - you deserved it (4582)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39262) - you deserved it (8414)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

#21034070
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41574) - you deserved it (6933)

On 01/20/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

#21025897
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50123) - you deserved it (6310)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:00pm - health - by foreveralone - United States (Illinois)

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

#21024059
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39996) - you deserved it (4281)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:02pm - misc - by kyyle - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

#21016986
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53088) - you deserved it (5402)

On 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

#21011750
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46373) - you deserved it (4776)

On 12/31/2013 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by erjazo (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was mopping the floor at the hotel I work at. Before I could react, a gentleman stormed through the corridor and slipped and fell on the still wet floor. He complained to the owner, who bitched me out just to satisfy the guy. FML

#21009463
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32212) - you deserved it (3387)

On 12/29/2013 at 4:04pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

#21001701
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47421) - you deserved it (3271)

On 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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