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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

#21414880
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23188) - you deserved it (2046)

On 05/24/2015 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

#21410601
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34695) - you deserved it (1993)

On 05/15/2015 at 4:58pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

#21407249
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27830) - you deserved it (8885)

On 05/09/2015 at 1:13pm - misc - by Rar (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

#21405568
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27615) - you deserved it (2793)

On 05/06/2015 at 9:36am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

#21401745
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33801) - you deserved it (4522)

On 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my 2 year old to the potty in a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

#21394708
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30208) - you deserved it (2449)

On 04/16/2015 at 2:36pm - kids - by klutz44 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

#21393865
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30043) - you deserved it (3338)

On 04/15/2015 at 12:17am - kids - by mommylife (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

#21392651
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28595) - you deserved it (2365)

On 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm - misc - by mademoiselle meurtre (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

#21383638
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26067) - you deserved it (2035)

On 03/29/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

#21383476
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31022) - you deserved it (2705)

On 03/29/2015 at 8:54am - kids - by M.SHUKRI - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered that when my mom can't sleep, she comes into my room and reads my text messages. FML

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

#21380086
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (670) - you deserved it (3543)

On 03/23/2015 at 11:51am - money - by stuck - United States (Illinois)



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