FMLs submitted from Idaho

Today, I mentioned to my girlfriend that I'd sent in a job application after she went home. In front of her parents. Who thought she'd stayed the night at a friend's place. FML

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

by LD / 01/23/2015 at 11:46am / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

by MissAggravared / 11/19/2014 at 3:27am / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I was so lonely, I caught myself whispering to my food just so I had someone to talk to. FML

by Ltsdragons / 11/10/2014 at 11:07pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

by Diachronic / 09/12/2014 at 4:05am / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks found the engagement ring I tried to give to my ex. She started crying and said yes. FML

by lentmarz / 08/19/2014 at 7:37pm / United States (Idaho) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went directly from the shopping mall to the hospital. My sister had slammed my hand in the car door, all because I considered purchasing a dress that looked like something she might buy for herself. FML

by vicious_fashion / 08/12/2014 at 1:34am / United States (Idaho) / Health

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm / United States (Idaho) / Health

Today, my idiot sister had to have her aged dog put down, then she posts on MY Facebook page, "RIP, Buddy, we'll miss you." My adult children and most of my friends thought I died. FML

by SmittyJA24 / 05/19/2014 at 10:38pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

by annoyed teen / 04/12/2014 at 11:01pm / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML

by snowbum69 / 12/15/2013 at 3:38am / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 5:08pm / United States (Idaho) / Kids