FMLs submitted from Hessen

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2015 at 7:25am / Germany (Hessen) / Love

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

by burningman / 01/22/2015 at 5:40am / Germany (Hessen) / Transportation

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm / Germany (Hessen) / Animals

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML

by straightasaneedle / 02/02/2011 at 12:11pm / Germany (Hessen) / Love

Today, I went to the Salvation Army to donate some clothes. As I was handing over the 4 huge bags that I had carried for 10 blocks, while 6 months pregnant, somebody stole my purse. FML

by mugged / 12/15/2010 at 6:58am / Germany (Hessen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

by blueheron93 / 11/13/2010 at 9:25am / Germany (Hessen) / Kids

Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML

by peterpan / 02/23/2010 at 7:54am / Germany (Hessen) / Health

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

by fatty / 06/09/2009 at 4:39am / Germany (Hessen) / Health

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

by raerae / 04/24/2009 at 3:25am / Germany (Hessen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I organized a party, invited a girl I've been secretly in love with for years, as well as a friend of mine who brought along an unknown mate of his. The party was fine, although the unknown mate threw up all over the floor. Now, the girl is dating that unknown mate and is in love with him. FML

by bbns / 01/14/2009 at 6:57am / Germany (Hessen) / Love