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FMLs submitted from Hawaii

Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML

#17635803
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31761) - you deserved it (5751)

On 09/01/2011 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by djfail - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML

#16968738
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30208) - you deserved it (3504)

On 07/04/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by monquiqui (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML

#16277359
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32344) - you deserved it (8911)

On 05/21/2011 at 3:18am - intimacy - by btswc - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML

#15974313
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14393) - you deserved it (35610)

On 04/29/2011 at 2:52am - misc - by Celluloid (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML

#15705121
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17876) - you deserved it (30182)

On 04/09/2011 at 3:52am - misc - by 2classicNot2 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

#13611565
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23989) - you deserved it (13157)

On 10/27/2010 at 3:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I didn't have my key, so my sister told me to call her to let me in. I called, no answer. I waited for 15 minutes and then called my dad complaining about her, still being outside. She popped her out the window and yelled, "Don't talk about me, bitch!" and wouldn't open the door. FML

#13374528
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23414) - you deserved it (4034)

On 10/09/2010 at 2:36am - misc - by sister_woes (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

#12929615
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33618) - you deserved it (2499)

On 09/06/2010 at 4:35am - love - by mlove (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my boyfriend of a over a year broke up with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't written him a long letter about how much I love him, and that I'm so glad we're together and so glad that he promised he would always be there. He'll be getting it in a few days. FML

#12809670
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28086) - you deserved it (3300)

On 08/29/2010 at 7:41pm - love - by love_letter (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I found out my fiancé is in a long distance relationship with his ex. Not only do we live on the same island, he's also my neighbor and my co-worker. FML

#9134899
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24909) - you deserved it (2888)

On 03/16/2010 at 4:14pm - love - by KMAC (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

#8965492
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21923) - you deserved it (3144)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by misty_love (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

#7063669
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24314) - you deserved it (5029)

On 12/31/2009 at 7:06pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)



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