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FMLs submitted from Hawaii

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

#21204205
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43701) - you deserved it (3078)

On 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by ninnang - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

#21189397
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56285) - you deserved it (2996)

On 06/26/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Alex - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

#21187469
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49797) - you deserved it (5423)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by headdesk (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

#21108537
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23137) - you deserved it (37442)

On 04/09/2014 at 1:50pm - love - by BabyButt - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

#21084613
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44322) - you deserved it (3052)

On 03/12/2014 at 2:39am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

#21081278
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37293) - you deserved it (3498)

On 03/08/2014 at 12:19pm - work - by kittykat033 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21793) - you deserved it (48554)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

#20986609
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43901) - you deserved it (7083)

On 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39302) - you deserved it (3802)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML

#20912417
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47585) - you deserved it (2846)

On 10/08/2013 at 12:30pm - misc - by she knows - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44326) - you deserved it (2988)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)



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