Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Glasgow City

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

#18983389
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21090) - you deserved it (23471)

On 02/03/2012 at 10:49am - kids - by AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

#17620390
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20526) - you deserved it (3615)

On 08/30/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by gofixmyhead (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML

#15873960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31133) - you deserved it (9147)

On 04/21/2011 at 2:18pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

#15386188
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20067) - you deserved it (33134)

On 03/19/2011 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by gayboii (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

#15102799
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29904) - you deserved it (4722)

On 02/24/2011 at 3:03pm - misc - by OhDear (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his Grandparents house. It said 'Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and tooth brushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?' FML

#12725803
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33740) - you deserved it (7962)

On 08/24/2010 at 7:46pm - love - by DyingOfShame (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

#8250617
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24742) - you deserved it (2878)

On 02/14/2010 at 2:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

#2139202
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51916) - you deserved it (3769)

On 05/21/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by PublicToiletEspionage (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

#55893
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37503) - you deserved it (5336)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:11pm - kids - by Lesley (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: