FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

by malcolmXXX / 10/13/2015 at 10:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was running late for work. I forgot my name tag and work hat at home, but my boss is pretty laid back, so I wasn't worried about it. Five minutes into my shift, the district supervisor walked in for a surprise employee inspection. FML

by illuminatzi / 10/02/2015 at 10:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2015 at 2:54pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

by Animeislyfe / 08/24/2015 at 10:56pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML

by SilentSin / 08/24/2015 at 10:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML

by dumped / 08/23/2015 at 6:22am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, after working incredibly hard to get into college without having to take out loans, classes started. I was told we'll need a $200 piece of software, and we'll fail without it. There's no way I can afford it. FML

by NotCollegeBound / 08/20/2015 at 3:21am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

by hbt51 / 08/17/2015 at 3:56pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

by for fuck's sake, gran / 07/25/2015 at 1:30am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML

by okay / 07/22/2015 at 12:58am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

by battle1 / 07/17/2015 at 7:00am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

by Partners / 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

by well then / 05/30/2015 at 1:40am / United States (Georgia) / Love