FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, I told my son and daughter that their father and I were getting a divorce. They each responded with "YAY! I want to live with daddy! He buys better presents." Their father has literally never bought anything for them, the exact reason I'm divorcing him. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

by TractorUWG / 09/27/2009 at 2:32am / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2009 at 10:24am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally figured out that when a man says "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML

by justplainsad / 09/17/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

by Somessedup / 09/09/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my mom was getting remarried, to my dad. He's been in prison for five years because he pushed her out a window. FML

by kennedygeeee / 09/07/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

by Jonnyboo / 08/29/2009 at 8:13am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer brought her kids into the store where I work. I like to make people laugh so being my usual joking self I kidded "Why aren't those kids in school?". She didn't laugh when she said that their house burned down the night before and the kids had no clothes to wear to school. FML

by mybad / 08/25/2009 at 9:21am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

by Laundrylady / 08/18/2009 at 4:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a kitten. I've wanted a cat for years and decided to finally buy one now that I have my own apartment. It turns out I'm allergic to cats. FML

by annabellebyebye / 08/16/2009 at 11:18am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I met my girlfriend's extended family for the first time. Her family kept telling her how much I looked and acted like her older brother and I'm guessing by the end of the day she agreed because now she pulls away and gags when I try to kiss her. FML

by BFfail / 08/14/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

by animalover / 08/13/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

by psychedout / 08/10/2009 at 6:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Health