FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

by backwardsinlife / 10/05/2009 at 2:53pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

by masterfail / 10/04/2009 at 1:04am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML

by cartrouble / 10/02/2009 at 1:51am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

by notmarriedyet / 10/01/2009 at 9:28am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, on facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to "How can Dan have over 500 facebook friends? Nobody even likes him" there were 42 likes, and twenty comments that said "agreed." FML

by notliked / 10/01/2009 at 6:33am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML

by cakekiller / 09/29/2009 at 2:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I told my son and daughter that their father and I were getting a divorce. They each responded with "YAY! I want to live with daddy! He buys better presents." Their father has literally never bought anything for them, the exact reason I'm divorcing him. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

by TractorUWG / 09/27/2009 at 2:32am / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2009 at 10:24am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally figured out that when a man says "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML

by justplainsad / 09/17/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

by Somessedup / 09/09/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my mom was getting remarried, to my dad. He's been in prison for five years because he pushed her out a window. FML

by kennedygeeee / 09/07/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

by Jonnyboo / 08/29/2009 at 8:13am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous