FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had our first rainstorm in weeks. Thirty seconds before it started, my window broke in the "down" position from overuse, since last week the air conditioning in my car gave out. Now I have a hot, wet car. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2010 at 12:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

by allalone / 07/13/2010 at 8:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I got excited when my phone vibrated cause I thought someone actually wanted to talk to me. When I grabbed my phone I realized my mind played a trick on me and I only thought it vibrated. I'm so lonely I subconsciously trick myself into thinking I have friends. FML

by someone72 / 03/22/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

by anonymous / 03/19/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML

by splitzville / 03/16/2010 at 4:12pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

by gotitEVERYWHERE / 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

by OhaiiKid / 03/07/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Georgia) / Geek

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2010 at 12:13pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a soldier in my unit had unknowingly lost a GPS in the woods and my section was sent to go find it. After hours of wading through chest high swamps in 32 degree weather, the GPS was found, thanks to the soldier who lost it. It was in his vest. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2010 at 8:11pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2010 at 7:54am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I bought my wedding dress and sat it on the bed while I went to buy matching shoes. When I came home, I saw my soon to be husband on the bed sitting next to my wedding dress. Turns out he spilt Coca-Cola on the dress and was trying to get it out with carpet cleanser. FML

by Stephanie / 03/04/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I went out to eat with a group of couples and my boyfriend. All my friends boyfriends paid for them. Mine didn't, and said that I should order off the diet menu. FML

by Sam / 03/04/2010 at 10:51am / United States (Georgia) / Love