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FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

#6116974
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23886) - you deserved it (4485)

On 11/02/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

#6049425
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10925) - you deserved it (27707)

On 10/29/2009 at 12:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML

#6038699
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29321) - you deserved it (6260)

On 10/28/2009 at 11:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

#5953662
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26511) - you deserved it (6344)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by efmylife (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

#5887611
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38893) - you deserved it (7847)

On 10/18/2009 at 10:33pm - kids - by MGZ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

#5775465
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38803) - you deserved it (2493)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

#5721043
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9761) - you deserved it (30403)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

#5688481
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13092) - you deserved it (37346)

On 10/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by lovebigmacs (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

#5662905
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7671) - you deserved it (40356)

On 10/05/2009 at 2:53pm - misc - by backwardsinlife - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

#5634739
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5003) - you deserved it (16674)

On 10/04/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by masterfail (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML

#5599183
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34101) - you deserved it (2408)

On 10/02/2009 at 1:51am - misc - by cartrouble (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

#5581956
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35776) - you deserved it (15250)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by notmarriedyet (woman) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, on facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to "How can Dan have over 500 facebook friends? Nobody even likes him" there were 42 likes, and twenty comments that said "agreed." FML

#5581051
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36185) - you deserved it (11135)

On 10/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by notliked (man) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon



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