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FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

#5775465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36878) - you deserved it (2361)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

#5721043
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9676) - you deserved it (30188)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

#5688481
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12982) - you deserved it (37197)

On 10/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by lovebigmacs (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

#5662905
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7601) - you deserved it (40092)

On 10/05/2009 at 2:53pm - misc - by backwardsinlife - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

#5634739
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4466) - you deserved it (15451)

On 10/04/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by masterfail (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML

#5599183
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33863) - you deserved it (2403)

On 10/02/2009 at 1:51am - misc - by cartrouble (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

#5581956
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35033) - you deserved it (15045)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by notmarriedyet (woman) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, on facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to "How can Dan have over 500 facebook friends? Nobody even likes him" there were 42 likes, and twenty comments that said "agreed." FML

#5581051
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35978) - you deserved it (11093)

On 10/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by notliked (man) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML

#5548014
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10834) - you deserved it (39152)

On 09/29/2009 at 2:40pm - work - by cakekiller (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I told my son and daughter that their father and I were getting a divorce. They each responded with "YAY! I want to live with daddy! He buys better presents." Their father has literally never bought anything for them, the exact reason I'm divorcing him. FML

#5530738
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39550) - you deserved it (7997)

On 09/28/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

#5500078
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34736) - you deserved it (16065)

On 09/27/2009 at 2:32am - money - by TractorUWG (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

#5482819
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32564) - you deserved it (2856)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally figured out that when a man says "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML

#5305557
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10307) - you deserved it (29965)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:15am - love - by justplainsad (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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