Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21411) - you deserved it (3984)
On 11/02/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by Shawty (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16891) - you deserved it (3171)
On 11/02/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8164) - you deserved it (19349)
On 10/29/2009 at 12:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24776) - you deserved it (5581)
On 10/28/2009 at 11:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21262) - you deserved it (4981)
On 10/23/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by efmylife (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31978) - you deserved it (6095)
On 10/18/2009 at 10:33pm - kids - by MGZ (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31682) - you deserved it (1986)
On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7392) - you deserved it (20036)
On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10232) - you deserved it (28346)
On 10/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by lovebigmacs (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5816) - you deserved it (29663)
On 10/05/2009 at 2:53pm - misc - by backwardsinlife - United States (Georgia)
Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2587) - you deserved it (9745)
On 10/04/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by masterfail (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27943) - you deserved it (1714)
On 10/02/2009 at 1:51am - misc - by cartrouble (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29287) - you deserved it (11416)
On 10/01/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by notmarriedyet (woman) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Monday 17 June 2013
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