FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, I told my husband that when I get my birth control taken out later this year, I would like to take a break from it for a while. He just said, "Condoms are too expensive and I don't want to waste $2 every time we do it." FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2016 at 10:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2016 at 12:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely. My birthday is coming up soon, so I thought maybe they were planning a surprise party. Nope. Turns out they've just been secretly hanging out without me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2016 at 11:41am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a full tuition scholarship to my ideal university in the mail. This would be perfect, except I sent an email to the college 2 days earlier, informing them that I couldn't attend because of financial concerns. FML

by AllyK_shawol / 03/09/2016 at 1:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2016 at 11:47am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

by replaced / 02/21/2016 at 10:03pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I'm locked in a bedroom with two dogs to keep them from barking at the guy fixing our water heater. One of them is stress-farting. FML

by noooooo / 02/21/2016 at 11:03am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, my grandma posted an embarrassing childhood photo on my school's events page. I told her everyone could see it, and asked if she could take it down. She freaked and commented on it, apologizing for posting it. Now I feel guilty for embarrassing her, and it's still on the page. FML

by purplefuzz / 02/19/2016 at 6:34pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

by peachykeen / 02/14/2016 at 8:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

by wet dreams / 02/12/2016 at 12:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

by concernedsis / 02/04/2016 at 9:53am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving back home when I saw a yellow object flying off my roof of my car through the side mirrors. I thought nothing of it, then I noticed that I didn't have my phone with me. That's when I realized that the "flying yellow object" was my phone. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2016 at 10:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, my dog once again desperately tried to yank me straight into the path of a bus. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2016 at 6:26am / United States (Georgia) / Animals