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FMLs submitted from Georgia

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

#21054270
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36391) - you deserved it (6356)

On 02/08/2014 at 10:12am - misc - by grandma - United States (Georgia)

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43615) - you deserved it (5571)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

#21042937
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37164) - you deserved it (9765)

On 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm - health - by just the tip, though - United States (Georgia)

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47460) - you deserved it (8060)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

#21019530
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38216) - you deserved it (7291)

On 01/06/2014 at 9:25pm - kids - by peepeepainter - United States (Georgia)

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

#21013681
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49208) - you deserved it (9713)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

#21012945
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51792) - you deserved it (4145)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:21pm - love - by Crashed - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

#20997840
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34010) - you deserved it (18790)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:12am - money - by tp2014 - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband and I were arguing about him not communicating anymore. Instead of talking to me about it, he messages my mom to say, "I'm not mentally strong enough to handle her anymore." FML

#20996890
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36784) - you deserved it (4901)

On 12/18/2013 at 11:44am - love - by Iloverainbows10 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me they were just actors on their lunch break. FML

#20993552
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35235) - you deserved it (5851)

On 12/15/2013 at 3:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

#20975074
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42324) - you deserved it (10211)

On 11/29/2013 at 7:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

#20945397
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48251) - you deserved it (4649)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by :/ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

#20922948
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37249) - you deserved it (3033)

On 10/16/2013 at 5:42pm - misc - by Awahso - United States (Georgia)



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