FMLs submitted from Florida

Today, after many tests and doctor visits, I finally found out the reason for my flu-like symptoms isn't a vitamin deficient or anything. The damn tea I drink every morning makes me feel sick. FML

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

by Enslaved / 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

by Taylor Page / 02/19/2015 at 11:24am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2015 at 9:43pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

by ididn'tevendoanythingwrong / 02/10/2015 at 1:05pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML

by go fuck myself / 02/06/2015 at 7:57pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

by ThatWasntFun / 01/29/2015 at 4:00pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I was talking to a girl. It was going pretty well until she said, "LOL." What's so bad about that? We weren't texting. FML

Today, I was asked by a total stranger if I had Tourettes. This is the third time this has happened to me. FML

by Evra / 01/23/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2015 at 9:34am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML

by middleagednurse / 01/14/2015 at 12:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was walking with a female friend when suddenly, my ex-girlfriend comes running down the street and says, "So, you're cheating on me with this slut, huh?!" We've been separated for a decade now. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

by yankeeboy123 / 01/12/2015 at 12:03am / United States (Florida) / Love